What did you have yesterday? Joe: Incongruently Ah I had the ice cream with. That's a good question, because I can make a pretty good picture of ice cream with hot fudge. I've had it plenty of times. It's not an image thatjust comes out of nowhere. It's a part of me, in a way. Robert: Butyou still knowwhich you had. This is impor- tant.
Now you have two images that are equally clear. You can see one as well as the other. If I say, "What did you have? How do you knowwhich one you really had? That's a good question. It's notjust from the pic- ture, I guess. Think about it. Are you sure about which one you had. Laughter What makes you sure? I can contextualize it.
ToGroup: Sothere'sanotherpiece. Typically,the first response for reality is whatever comes up on the first as- sociation to the question. Even though we're talking about a trivial instance here, we can put this in the context of beliefs. You say to someone, "Are you a good speller? What Joe said next is, "It's not just the picture that I come up with, now there's a context around it.
My guess is what we're going to discover—-judging from Joe's accessing cues—is an internal movie. Tojoe: Maybe you saw yourself pulling out the granola. The granola is not going to suddenly turn into hot fudge just because you can clearly see a still picture or an image of a hot fudge sundae. Is that it? Good guess.
What do you see up there? Points up to Joe's left, whereJoe is moving his eyes. Just supper time, along with the whole context of the other food I ate. My wife was there, but there wasn't any hot fudge in that experience. Can you put hot fudge in? It's all in my mind's eye. Now, what did you have after dinner on your sundae last night? Joe: Granola. How do you know that? When I asked you, did you see them both?
How did you make that determination? Because I heard myselfsay it. Robert: Oh, because you heard yourself say it. That's interesting.
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There's a voice in your head that tells you what's real. To Group: I'm going to push this a little bit, and we'll eventually get to a point where you'll see a change happen. You will see momentary confusion. You have a voice. While we were sitting here, I just told you.
Joe Reality Strategies 35 emphasizes the word told indicating an internal voice. It was more like a habit. I already toldyou that I had granola and so Joe: I must have said it at least a half a dozen times. Whatwouldmakeitjustasfamiliartohavetalked about hot fudge? I would have done it. I'd have memories of doing it. Repetition is one way to make something real and familiar.
How many times would you need to see it and tell yourselfyou had it? Half a dozen? I don'tknow. I'm going to ask you half a dozen times what you had on your sundae yesterday, and I'd like you to visualize the picture you have of hot fudge and say "hot fudge. Robert What did you have yesterday on your sundae? What didyou have yesterday, again? Hot fudge. I had to rush making it, because I was in a hurry getting out.
Robert It was what that you had? Let'swaita little bit. Laughter Robert. Was itvery hot or It's best ifyou let it cool a little bit, so that it doesn't melt the ice cream as much. It was very good. How are they matching up, now? What did you have? I had hot fudge. OK Laughter This is the same strategy that people use with affirmation tapes. Ifyou repeat something often enough, it will become more real for you. ToJoe: What did you have last night?
I had granola. Robert How do you know that, now? The pictures are different. Think of granola. Really think of it. I want you to visualize it. That's good. Now, visualize the hot fudge. Really visualize it. I noticed something different about the physiology that Joe is displaying. When you visualize those two things, Joe, I want you to look at them side by side.
Do they go side by side or does one overlap the other? I only thought of them separately, so far. Robert When you visualize the granola, where does it appear in your visual field in your mind's eye? About here. Gestures to left center Robert. About there Repeats Joe's gesture. Where is the picture when you visualize the hot fudge? I think it was almost the same place. Robert Here? Gestures to right of center slightly. Is there anything qualitatively different about the two pic- tures? Compare them now. I'vejust gone through a process to make them the same—so, no.
I want you to actually put your eyes over there and visualize the hot fudge there. Gestures left of center. Now, take the granola and put it over here. Gestures to right of center. Got it? Which one did you have? Long silence, look of confusion on Joe's face and then group laughter Joe. I had the. Robert Good. To Group: The point is that now we're starting to see a little lag in this processing. Of course, you can take this Reality Strategies 37 to an extreme and I'm not really into doing that. The reason that I'm doing this with Joe is not to confuse him about reality, but to find out what those checks are.
Let's say I wantJoe to change something, and I want to convince him that this is a real change that he can have. If I really want Joe to have as much of a choice about some new behavior as he had about some old behavior, I need to identify his reality checks. The only thing Joe has to rely on to determine reality are the representations pictures, sounds, and feelings that are stored in his mind.
Since your brain doesn't know the difference between a constructed image one that you've made up and a remembered one, you can imagine how confusing it gets when you're dealing with things that happened 10 years ago. Or what ifyou're dealing with a dream and you're not sure if you really had it or made it up? How do you know what is real? The submodality distinctions seem really impor- tant for me in determining the difference. My contextual movie of the hot fudge isn't as bright, it isn't as focused, and.
To Group: He's tellingus about the nextsteps to take. Rather than continuing this as a demonstration,Joe can explore this further in the upcoming exercise. I am asking you to do the following exercise because it is often useful to explore a person's reality strategy when you areworkingwith hisbeliefs. Joe relieson some pictures, sounds, and feelings that flash into his mind in a fraction of a second. Whenever any of you make decisions about what you believe, you don't sit down and analyze what's happening in your brain. Are the submodalities a certain way?
Is there a movie or voice there? One movie might have feelings with it, and the other movie might not. You won't get a chance to consciously analyze these fleeting thinking processes. Typically, you'll notice the first picture That's the reason why I think it's important to find out about your own reality strategy. Not everyone's going to have the same strategy that Joe has, and it's useful to find out how you determine what's real. RealityStrategyExercise I'd like to ask everyone to do an exercise using the following format. Part I: a Pick some trivial thing that you did, and something you could have done but didn't do.
Make sure that the thing that you could have done but didn't do is something that is completely within your range of behavior. If you could have put peanut butter on your ice cream, but you don't like peanut butter on your ice cream, you wouldn't really have done that. Pick an example likeJoe did, where you've done one thing a number oftimes and yet you've also done some other thing a number of times.
The only difference should be that you "actually" did do one of them yesterday. What you come up with first will typically be the most obvious reality check. You might have a picture of one and not the other. After you make the picture, you may notice other things about it. Joe went through submodality differences. He made a movie about it and filled in some other pieces. He said the one he did was brighter. Reality Strategies 39 PartII: c Pick two things that happened during your childhood and determine how you know that they were real. You're going to find that it is a bit harder to determine what happened back then.
InJoe's case, we took something that happened less than 24 hours ago, and we were able to shift realities. When you consider something that hap- pened 24 years ago, it's an even more interesting decision process because your pictures will not be as clear and may possibly be distorted. Sometimes people know the real things that happened because they were fuzzier than the things they made up.
After you get the pictures of the one the person might have done, looking like the pictures of the experience the person actually did do, shift representational systems to auditory or kinesthetic. For example,Joe switched to the ongoing context. He said, "I can check, because just a few minutes ago when you first asked me which one was real, I told you it was the granola and I can remember that. Be careful as you begin to change the thing that you didn't do to be represented like the thing you did do. I'd like you to at least get to a point where you have to really think about which experience was real, like our example withJoe.
The object here is not to confuse your reality strategies, but to find outwhat reality checks exist for you. Remember, we're eliciting a strategy, not trying to destroy it. Note: The person who acts as the responder can put a hold on the process whenever you want to.
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If the process starts getting scary which it sometimes can , you may get a swishing sound, or maybe you'll feel a spin. There are various kinds When someone else is eliciting and playing with your reality strategies, it is ap- propriate to ask them to stop when you get uncomfortable.
They had us take a number ofexperiences that we did on a particular day either successfully or unsuccess- fully , and locate the point where a decision was made. We'd pick three alternative resourceful behaviors that we could have done in each ofthose experiences and run them through our reality strategies, making each behavioral choice as full, radiant, and moving using the same sub- modalities as our reality strategies. Whether each behavior was successful or not, we'd develop more behavioral choices. If it was a negative ex- perience, we'd often find that there was a simple thing we could have done to have been more resourceful.
Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being
I'd recom- mend this process for negative experiences. Go through the entire negative experience, making sure everything works out in a positive way. The next time you encounter a similar situation to the negative experience, instead of going back and unconsciously associating to what you did the last time and the time before that and the time before that , you now have a decision point with new choices. You'll be responding in a new way. One of the claims that I make is: "Success is as much a limitationtocreativityasisfailure. You are likely to keep doing the same thing over and over again without exploring other options.
You get to a point where you stop being creative and get stuck, because you've run into a new situation where your old behaviors don't work and you Reality Strategies 41 don't have new choices. The U. It had been very successful for many years but now seems unable to respond quickly and effectively to changing needs and foreign competition. The computer industry has changed and refined to fit new realities and needs, but American automobile in- novation has been a slowprocess that relied on its own success for a long time.
Questions Man: When you were working with Joe, you had him visualize having hot fudge several times. Would you say more about that kind of repetition? Robert Let me answer by telling you about a client. I remember working with a nurse who had gotten so depressed that she planned to poison herself and her two children. She told me she'd do anything to feel better. I said, "First, you want to change your state; let's find out if you have any good memories. Notice that I didn't really ask for a memory, I asked for a decision.
In essence, I said, "Sort back through your memories, find one that you would decide is positive, and tell me about it. It has to do with makingjudgments and decisions about what's positive. Since I wanted to change this woman's state, I said, "What would it be like if you could now breathe differently and sit up, look up and right and imagine something positive?
I saw a shift in physiology that looked very positive. Then, suddenly, she stopped, looked back down and returned to the depressed state.
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I asked her, "What happened? Did you hit a bad memory or did something come up that got in your way? Her reply was, "It feels funny to put my eyes up there. It's very unfamiliar. Here's a person whose bad feeling made her so desperate that she was going to poison her children. Yet she stopped doing something thatwas making her feel good because it was unfamiliar.
So, I asked her how she would know if it was familiar, She said, "I would have done it before. Itwas an importantbreakthrough in her therapy. Having done something before is a powerful convincer confirming the reality of either positive or negative ex- periences. Repetition is one way that people make some- thing seem real and familiar. Joe has a part of him that can determine which of his experiences is real now, because in the ongoing context of eliciting his strategy this doesn't have anything to do with yesterday anymore , he told us that he had granola more times than he's had hot fudge.
Therefore, repetition is very convincing. What does it mean if someone tells you they haven't been able to do something like sing on key for 30 years? Is that proof that they can't? Itjust means that they've been trying to do it the wrong wayfor a long time. It doesn't mean they can't do it. I'm marking this out as significant, because repetition ofexperience is so important.
One ofthe reasons that it's important is that there's a process that all of us go through called threshold. Threshold can apply to beliefs, reality strategies or learning strategies. If you have a little metal strip and you bend it back and forth, it will go back pretty much the same way it started.
It goes back to the same Reality Strategies 43 form that it had before, even though it's been bent a little bit. If I take that metal strip and repeatedly bend and twist it, the strip will eventually break. Once it snaps, no matter what I do, it won't go back to the way it was before. The metal strip has been pushed over a threshold.
Nothing I do now will get it back unless I recast it or weld it. I suddenly put the strip through a radical change by bending it and twisting it. The same thing happens when you put a person through such a dramatic shift that makes his past seem a lot less real than what it has been up until now. That's a function of the way your brain works. Woman: How do reality strategies relate to something like New Behavior Generator? When doing New Behavior Generator, you visualize yourself doing something with new resources, then step into the visualization.
Ifyou don't filter that new experience through your own reality strategy, then you're just pretending. On the other hand, what's the difference between pretending and really changing? Ifyou pretend long enough, it will seem as real as anything else. Man: It was really important for me to hold onto my "reality" and not change it.
Have you ever had an experience where you did doubt reality? The goal here is not to be confused about your reality strategy. Ifyou wanted to change that strategy, we'd go to the time when you doubted reality and have you re-experience it with the appropriate resources. Many of the beliefs we have acquired were installed by the time we were 5 years old by your parents, significant other people and possibly by the media. These are people that often don't know about how to install good reality strategies.
A lot of your beliefs were installed in your brain before you had well developed reality strategies. Those of you who acquired good reality strategies were either lucky, or else You even- tually figured out how to install good ones. Even though most ofus are sure about our reality, you'd be surprised at how much of your reality you've actually built. You most likely believed in Santa Claus at one time, but you've changed that. You still might find yourself deal- ing with beliefs and realities that were programmed in at a time when you didn't have resources for determining high quality information.
For example, a child often confuses their dreams for reality. Sometimes people have such strong reality strategies that it limits them from using their imaginations as a resource also. It's a very delicate balance, even when you know what you're doing. Occasionally people will "fuzz out" bad experiences, pretending that they really did not happen.
They downplay them. Other times, people will take experiences and exag- gerate them beyond what really happened. What ifyou take an event that someone thinks was real, that set them in a direction in life 25 years ago, and change it? When you do that you may need to first work with the belief, "I've wasted 25 years of my life because of the beliefs I've acquired. These problems were severe enough to create a survival issue for her. Her problem stemmed from an internal "voice" that was giving her all kinds of trouble. We gave her resources concerning a past experience to change her body image and gave the part of her that created "the voice" new resources.
When we integrated all these resources together, she became really, really sad, like she had lost something. When I asked her what was going on, she said, "All my life, my goal has been to survive. Surviving has always been a challenge. Now that I have all these resources, it's like part of me is gone. What am I going to live for now? Reality Strategies 45 wantto live for?
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What would be aworthwhile mission? What would be nice, instead ofjust having to survive all the time? And it's not always something you're going to know about ahead of time. If you work with this possibility before you work with other issues, and future- pace new possibilities for the person, it makes your work easier. How many ofyou fight your own reality strategy and get stuckwhen you try to change your own behavior? I've heard people say, "I'd give anything to be different, but I don't want to fool myself. That is a double bind. Even ifyou're checking reality on something that's trivial The value in understanding reality strategies is not that of determining what really happened in your life.
Instead, it allows you to set up a series ofdecision checks or behavior checks to pass through before you're willing to believe that something new is true, or before you're willing to actually take action. You're not going to take action on something unless it's clear, or unless itfitsinto the overall scope ofwho you are, etc.
Belief Strategies Belief strategies are the ways in which we maintain and hold beliefs. Like reality strategies, they have a consistent pattern ofpictures, sounds and feelings that operate largely unconsciously. Belief strategies are a set of evidence procedures you use to decide whether something is believable or not. This kind of evidence is usually in the form of sub- modalities—the qualities of your pictures, sounds, and feelings.
Try an experiment for yourself. Contrast some- thing you believe with something you don't believe. Notice the differences in the qualities of pictures, sounds, and kinesthetic feelings. How doesyour brain code the differen- ces? A common difference is the location of the pictures, but there will be other differences as well. Belief strategies are different from our "reality strategies," because we cannot test them with sensory based reality checks. Because they are so highly patterned, they can last a lifetime. This is fortunate, because without these strategies, our understandings of ourselves and the world would not be stable.
The problem is that belief strategies work as automat- 3 Luckily, they have a definite structure that can be elicited, so they can also be changed at the most basic levels of thinking through con- scious intervention. BeliefStrategy Demonstration Robert: Judy, think of something that you wish you could believe about yourself, butyou don't. Do you have an issue like that?
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Judy: Well, Iwasworking on weight, because that's a big issue for me. Robert A real heavy one, I bet. What do you now believe about that? Judy: What do I now believe? I have a lot of conflicting beliefs. I use all the shoulds and can'ts and apply them to my weight. I have a lot of conflict. Robert What's one of the limiting "can'ts"? That I can't lose weight. Robert So you can't lose weight. We're going to fill this out a little bit What is something that you know you can do?
Judy: I can use NLP methods with clients. Robert First, let's do a basic comparison. We might be able to find all the information by doing a comparison. I want you to think about losing weight for a moment. Judy slumps down, sighs, and she looks down and to her left with muscle tension around her mouth.
Now, think about doing NLP with a specific client, maybe a time that you particularly validated a success. Judy's shoulders lift, the tension leaves her face and she looks up. To Group: You can see that there's a pretty dramatic difference in physiology; accessing cues as well as the rest of the physiology.
BeliefStrategies 49 There are two reasons I asked her to do this. First, we'll know whether or not she's changed her belief about her ability to lose weight based on what we see. What are we going to see? We're not going to see the first physiology, we're going to see the second physiology. We now have a way of testing whether or not she's changed her belief.
The physiology differences will provide us with an accurate unconscious test of our work. The second reason is to provide a contrast ofpresent state with desired state and to sort out what is different in her physiology. ToJudy: Now I'd like you to do some comparisons in your mind. When you think about losing weight, how do you think about it? Judy: It's a struggle. It's a struggle. To Group: And she repeats the contrast that we saw in her physiology beautifully.
One of the nice things about working with people is that they tend to be very systematic in their patterns. Now we've seen this physiology a few times. It looks like a pattern. ToJudy: What makes it a struggle? She repeats the physiology associated with her difficulty in losing weight, looking down to her left, the eye movement that indicates internal dialogue. Robert I believe you.
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The teaching profession is saturated with ideas, This ground-breaking volume describes an entirely new way of conducting hypnotherapeutic interventions-Stephen Gilligan's third generation More filters. Sort order. Apr 03, April rated it liked it. I took a traing from Suzi Smith, one of the co-authors of this book. I learned a lot from the training, but I find the book a little dry and find myself flipping through it without getting much insight from it.
Sep 17, Stuart Macalpine rated it really liked it Shelves: influential-leadership-module , cognitive-coachimg , high-performing-leadership. Robert Dilts is widely quoted in cognitive coaching and so I was interested to read more about his ideas. I did not find the sections on illness meaningful or particularly appropriate, however the other sections of the text are an extremely interesting exploration of the way in which people form and keep beliefs and the extent to which these can be re-imprinted or changed.
The majority of the work deals with what in cognitive coaching would be the problem resolving map and specifies the ways in Robert Dilts is widely quoted in cognitive coaching and so I was interested to read more about his ideas. The majority of the work deals with what in cognitive coaching would be the problem resolving map and specifies the ways in which we can move from an awareness of the current state to an awareness of the desired state and how to remove obstacles and increase resources to get there.
I had not realised previously that Robert Dilts was a part of the neurolinguistic programming movement. Mar 25, Pedro Rolha rated it really liked it. I recommend to anyone with knowledge about NLP or curious about it. Sep 18, Judith rated it really liked it. Good insight and techniques for changing limiting beliefs. Cleona rated it it was amazing Jul 02, Dave Hunter rated it really liked it Jul 22, Matt Fox rated it it was amazing Jan 16, Larry rated it liked it Dec 27, Seth rated it it was ok Apr 18, Vic Brisbin rated it really liked it Sep 20, Donna Schumell rated it liked it May 30, Slepoibandit rated it really liked it May 23, Daniel rated it it was amazing May 15, Sasha Tenodi rated it it was amazing Dec 29, Linda Mason rated it it was ok Aug 29, Spike rated it really liked it May 26,