The stature he openly ascribes to his patrons he tacitly assumes for himself. Just as the monarch and Earl can look down on the envious, so indeed does Jonson. But here the upward movement of the envious creatures' eyes only causes them to sink deeper into jealousy, torment, and discontent, whereas Weston's elevation supposedly makes him less vulnerable even if more subject to their hatred. The creatures Jonson attacks are the "seed" of envy in several senses: they are its seat, its residence; they are its offspring; and they are its source, the infected sperm by which its virulence is spread.
Jonson uses a word associated with life, vitality, and healthy procreation precisely for its ironic effect: these seeds represent not life but a kind of death, not generation but corruption, not propagation but a force that is ultimately self-destructive. The word implies the various ironies associated with these creatures, but it also suggests their smallness, their moral insignificance.
Nonetheless, Jonson's contemptuous tone cannot quite mask his perception of the threat they pose. Jonson's emphasis, in line 2, on their "eyes" is significant for several reasons. In the first place, the mention of their squinting eyes not only contrasts with the later reference to Weston as the wide-open "Eye of State" 5 but also links up with the description of him as a "waking man" 5. Indeed, the pattern of images involving sleep, wakefulness, dreaming, closing eyes, and eyes wide open helps organize the entire poem. The envious do squint, but they do not clearly see - unlike the Earl, whose vision serves the King; unlike the King, whose perception has led him to elevate Weston; and unlike the poet, whose insight allows him to appreciate and interpret for others his patrons' greatness.
Weston's vision is comprehensive, all-embracing; the fact that this is so implies already that the envious are less a threat to him than they might be to a less observant man. Yet Weston's vision, like the poet's, is ostensibly focused less on his own interests than on the state's. The reference to the "narrow eyes" of the envious might at first suggest their acuity, but in fact Jonson implies how their sight is distorted - unlike his own, which allows him to perform the act of reading and interpretation he calls for in this poem.
The King becomes a text within a text: both he and Jonson's poem raise and celebrate the Earl; both he and the poem demand the kind of scrutiny and appreciation the poem itself provides. By reading the King's actions and writing about them, Jonson makes it possible for others to understand them as clearly as he does. The poem offers itself for interpretation even as it interprets for others; it asks to be read, while offering its own reading of Weston and the King. Its very playfulness helps contribute to a somewhat light-hearted tone suggesting strength and self- assurance that balances both the sneering condemnation and the exclamatory praise that characterize the poem's phrasing elsewhere.
Weston is the port - the haven, the source of security and stability in a time of storms - to an England increasingly rocked by political, religious, and economic strife. But Weston was a "port" in the second sense of being a crucial entry-point to the world of power and influence: anyone who sought access to the King and court would have to contend with him.
Jonson' s description of Weston as a "waking man" - a phrase that suggests his alertness and vigor - may have seemed somewhat ironic in view of the Earl's declining health, but the phrase also suggests his powers of perception and observation and thus the danger he could still pose to enemies in general and to the envious in particular. Jonson' s phrasing here - especially his placement of the adverb - is typical of a technical skill for which he is still given too little credit. The fact that bad men can feel only hate for Weston exemplifies the stunted moral sense that helps to make them bad, and it also reinforces the earlier suggestion in the reference to their "narrow eyes"  of their constrictions and limitations.
But Jonson's phrase can also be read to mean that only bad men hate Weston; good men such as the King and Jonson not only value him but exalt the goodness the Earl himself exhibits. Here as so often elsewhere in Jonson's poetry, a single word, exactly placed, resonates with finely tuned artistic and moral implications. Jonson's stirring up and irritation of the envious "sluggish spawne" not only looks back to the phrasing and develops the implied situation of the opening lines, it also emphasizes by contrast the constant wakefulness of Weston.
The energy of the epigram contrasts with the moral sloth of those it indicts, whose only self-motivated action is an obstinate refusal to act, a perverse determination "not [to] see" Weston's worth. This willed blindness, paradoxically, allows others to see Weston's enemies for the corrupt breed they really are.
Their refusal to see and appreciate Weston's true nature reveals their own natures their own "King" ' their blindness not only stands opposed to Weston's wakefulness but casts them into a darkness far blacker than the earlier references to their "narrow eyes" and sluggishness had suggested. Of course, Jonson's emphasis on the ways in which they reveal themselves de-emphasizes, on one level, the revelatory purpose of his poem, but on another level the phrasing insinuates the poet's role in "shew[ing]" the true natures of those he attacks.
The poem's very existence exempts him from the charges of envy and ethical blindness he hurls at others. Jonson's penultimate injunction - "Dreame thou could'st hurt it" 11 - not only glances back, of course, at the already well-developed pattern of images involving sleep and waking, but also anticipates the final echo of that pattern in the last word of this line "wake".
The verb "Dreame" implies that Weston's enemies can only fantasize about hurting him, that their power is so limited as to be almost laughable. This, of course, was hardly the case as Weston well knew and as the epigram's existence suggests ; it was in fact the reality of the threats Weston faced that may have made him appreciate a poem such as this. The word seems to look back to the earlier reference to Weston's "vertue, and true worth" 10 , two nouns that Jonson treats as a single quality that transcends Weston, yet is embodied in him. To attack Weston, Jonson implies, is to assault Goodness itself.
The poem's final imperative verb - "feele" 12 - is most obviously addressed to the envious and calls attention to the pain they ostensibly have caused themselves. But the verb also helps call attention to the last effect and to the over- all effectiveness of Jonson's poem: what we as disinterested readers "feele" in the last line is the final twist of Jonson's irony. The poet here is cleverly modest: although he claims that the envious have made their "owne heart[s] ake," the causing of such pain has, of course, been one of the epigram's chief objectives all along.
Jonson obviously derives a double pleasure from his work: not only the joy of celebrating Weston but the glee of humiliating their mutual enemies. The epigram's sudden, final shift from the anticipated but illusory pain the envious hope to inflict on Weston to the reality of their own suffering underlines, again, the poem's vigor; the turn comes with a stabbing abruptness.
Only in the final line, in the penultimate word, does Jonson raise the possibility that he may have a single envious person in mind: he refers, after all, to a "heart," not "hearts. Of course, the absent "s" may simply have been a slip; if not, it raises intriguing questions about whom Jonson may have had in mind. Whatever the case, it seems highly appropriate that this poem so stuffed with vigorous verbs should end on one, and that that verb should be "ake" This is a verb that suggests no outward action but merely an inward pain.
The "sluggish spawne" will now feel nothing but a prolonged and vexing torment. IV Jonson had experienced vexations of his own in the months preceding the composition of the epigram just discussed. His play The Magnetic Lady, staged in the fall of , seems to have been more successful than the disastrous New Inn, but it still provoked derision from his antagonists. Inigo Jones was apparently present on opening night and found the play hilarious in ways Jonson had not intended, while Alexander Gill - the son of a man Jonson had attacked years earlier - unleashed a satire that elicited the old poet's answering scorn.
Hee's prudent, valiant, just, and temperate; 5 In him all vertue is beheld in State: And he is built like some imperiall roome For that to dwell in, and be still at home. In signe the Subject, and the Song will live. Which I have vow'd posteritie to give. Goe, Muse, in, and salute him. Say he be Busie, or frowne at first; when he sees thee, 20 He will cleare up his forehead, thinke thou bring'st Good Omen to him, in the note thou sing'st, For he doth love my Verses, and will looke Upon them, next to Spenser's noble booke, And praise them too.
Then, what copies shall be had, What transcripts begg'd? Muse, when this shall them befall? Being sent to one, they will be read of all. Digby was the son of Sir Everard Digby, a Gunpowder Plot conspirator who had been executed for his role in that attempted treason. Kenelm had remained a Catholic throughout his early years, and although he attended Oxford, his inability to endorse the Thirty-nine Articles meant that he could not be "admitted as a regular resident in a college. In he toured Italy, where he lectured, collected books, and met Van Dyke whom he later patronized.
In he was knighted and around the same time became a Gentleman to the Privy Council of the Prince. However, Buckingham's antagonism toward Digby's uncle, the Earl of Bristol, clouded the young man's prospects for significant further advancement. They had fallen in love at an early age; his first trip to the Continent, in fact, seems to have been viewed by his mother as a means of separating him from Venetia.
During his absence, reports may have reached her that Kenelm had died; for this reason or others, she apparently became involved with another courtier. Learning this, Digby determined to forget her, but a chance meeting after his return led, in , to a secret marriage. The hint of scandal that had become attached to Venetia' s name was eventually dissipated by her conduct as Digby's wife. By all accounts she was very beautiful, but Digby seems to have admired her as much for her intelligence and under- standing as for her physical attractiveness.
Moreover, in a court that was placing increased stress on the ideal of married love, Jonson's celebration of the Digbys could only reflect well on all concerned. Late in - realizing, perhaps, that Buckingham's ascendancy limited his prospects at court - he began to equip a small fleet for a voyage of plundering and privateering in the Mediterranean.
Official papers commissioning the expedition authorized it as "tending to the service of the realm and the increase of [Digby's] knowledge. Digby's victory over a superior Venetian fleet "furnished the occasion of his earliest feat of public se If -propaganda and patriotic posturing, namely 'Relation of a brave and resolute Sea-fight made by Sir Kenelm Digby His interest in literature went beyond book-collecting, however. Digby considered the obscurity deliberate and claimed that "were nothing else extent of Spenser's writing, yet these few words would make me esteeme him no whit inferior to the most famous men that ever have been in any age: as giving evident testimony herein that he was thoroughly verst in the Mathematical!
Sciences, in Philosophy, and in Divinity, to which this might serve for an ample Theme to make large Commentaries upon. It is even possible that the "lines" and "Verses" Jonson refers to in his poem to Digby were the lines and verses of the numerologically organized Weston epithalamion itself. By a happy coincidence, the date of Jonson's birth seems to have been the same date on which Digby won his famous battle with the Venetians, and by an even more remarkable coincidence, it was also this date - St. Barnabas's Day - on which Spenser, Digby's favorite poet, set his own Epithalamion?
It is possible that Jonson refers to his work as a whole, or to the edition of three of his uncollected plays - Bartholomew Fair, The Devil is an Ass, and The Staple of News - he was "struggling to bring out" in to raise much-needed money. Eventually, it is true, all these works were turned over to Digby, who edited them for the posthumous folio, but contemporary evidence suggests that Digby did not receive the poet's writings en masse until "some short tyme before [Jonson 's] decease" in , while the present poem to Digby could have been written no later than the spring of Digby, with his keen appreciation of both poets, would have been the ideal person to "read" and point out the accomplishments and subtleties of Jonson' s lines "at the Treasurers bord.
There is no way to "prove" this supposition only those immediately involved knew precisely which verses Jonson meant , but the possibility cannot be lightly dismissed. A poem exalting Digby and his wife would provide ideal accompaniment to one praising the recent marriage of the Lord Treasurer's son and heir. Indeed, the poem's opening line, which refers to Venetia as "happy," implies that the chief source of her happiness is her marriage. In Jonson' s writing, even such an apparently simple word can contain reserves of mean- ing: Venetia is "happy" first in the sense that she takes joy in her husband, secondly in the sense that she is fortunate to be married to such a man, and finally in the sense that both these circumstances contribute to her pleasant disposition.
The intimacy between husband and wife celebrated in the poem's first lines is complemented by the poet's own close connection to his patron- ess; Venetia is a woman important to the lives of both Jonson and Digby, who are drawn even more closely together by the respect they share for her.
The movement from its first line to its last word is a movement outward, from a tight focus on the happy threesome of poet, patron, and muse to a broader concern with the wider world of "all. The third line lists Digby's virtues as nouns, while the fifth lists them as adjectives. Both catalogues imply the plenitude of his qualities, the potentially inexhaust- ible tributes he might be paid. Although Digby had won renown for his martial courage, the fifth line emphasizes his qualities of restraint, reason, and judgment, as if to suggest as Jonson does suggest elsewhere that mere action does not a hero make.
This, surely, is why he spends so much time describing Digby's character before mentioning his physical appearance, and why the description of his body is made to reflect the nature of his spirit and soul. Jonson repeatedly describes Digby in regal terms ; 9 , not only to suggest his fitness for service at court but also to magnify his importance there. The poet credits his nature with having taken "a large survey" of Digby's being 11 , but of course this claim also calls attention to the comprehensive vision of Digby presented by this epigram.
It is, after all, the poem itself that so memorably explicates and expresses Digby's qualities - qualities ostensibly obvious to all. Even as he highlights Digby's virtues, Jonson claims that no highlighting is needed. Yet Jonson's apparent modesty, his willingness to ascribe to "Nature" a central function of his poem, is immediately countered by a reference that at first might seem oddly intrusive — the allusion to his own birth Initially it might seem overbearing to be reminded that Jonson was born on the same day as Digby's great victory, as if the two events were comparable in importance.
On reflection, however, the reference seems more defensible. It not only allows Jonson to allude as has already been suggested to the date made famous in Spenser's "Epithalamion," but it more significantly suggests that somehow in the link between Digby and the two poets was preordained. Surely Jonson seems to imply it is no coincidence that he was born on the very day Digby would further ennoble - a day already full of meaning because of its associations with St. Barnaby and with the fullness of light. Surely Jonson seems to suggest his connection with Digby was fated; Venetia, his muse, is less the cause of this link than simply one of its instrument.
It is as if Jonson has been destined all along to celebrate Digby someday in verse. Although Jonson makes his union with Digby seem destined, perhaps he also implies that its full realiza- tion would depend on Digby 's continued pragmatic encouragement. By suggesting that Venetia will actually read his verses aloud to her husband and thus become a singer herself  , Jonson not only subtly directs her behavior but also implies a closer connection between poet and muse: it is one thing for a muse to inspire a poet's song, another still for her to sing it.
When Jonson further implies that in a sense this singing is unnecessary since Digby already "love[s] my Verses" 23 , he once again runs the risk of seeming boastful. But in part this claim merely pays tribute to the breadth of his patron's interests: despite being a great hero and a "Busie" man 20 , he still finds time for beauty. Digby' s interest in Spenser was apparently well-known, and his thoughtful appreciation of the earlier poet's writing would give his positive assessment of Jonson' s work all the more credibility.
Jonson' s confidence in the worth of his own writings is balanced by his sense that having them read and approved by Digby and then by Weston would give them greater social luster. The acceptance of his works, he knew, would affect his own acceptance. Line 26 with its heavy punctua- tion implies an interesting distinction between the poet and his poems: it was not enough for the power of his lines to be acknowledged if that power did not help secure his own. Yet, at least ostensibly, the imprimatur of Digby and Weston will not so much add to the poems' value as merely make that value manifest to "all.
The placement of the phrase "how cry'd up" 30 is suggestively ambiguous. It can look back to the preceding reference to the poems, implying that they will be celebrated, but it can also look forward to the succeeding reference to Venetia, implying that she too will be "cry'd up" perhaps by others, perhaps by the poet in future verses for her role in promoting him.
One of Venetia's virtues as a muse is her lack of jealousy or envy; she will be genuinely and selflessly "glad" at Jonson' s anticipated success Yet his success, of course, will help ratify her own influence, both with her husband and in society at large. Being Jonson's muse when he wins his proper recognition will mean basking in the glow of his triumph.
His future devotions to Venetia will be even more valuable to her if his present devotion wins wide social favor. The connections between poet, muse, patron, patron's patron, and chief patron wil all be more firmly cemented if Jonson's verses are "Allowe[d]" Her joy in the first connection anticipates the satisfaction she also feels in this one. The poem's closing passage might make it seem as if Jonson is more concerned with exalting himself than with celebrating his patrons; his delight as he imagines the fame their approval will bring him seems at first almost tactlessly blunt, but the lines nonetheless do pay tribute to the pervasive influence the opinions of Weston and Digby enjoyed at Charles's court.
At the same time, Jonson' s apparent egotism is mitigated even further when one realizes that the last fourteen lines closely paraphrase an epigram by Martial. His self-concern seems less offensive when it becomes clear that he is playing variations on another man's theme.
Weston and the Digby s are ennobled even more by being implicitly compared to Martial's patron, and in fact Jonson emphasizes the importance of his patrons far more than Martial does. The intellectual qualities of both Kenelm Digby and his wife, combined with their financial resources and social prominence, must have made them seem ideal patrons in their own rights. And judging, among other things, by the number and nature of the poems they evoked and the role Digby played in publishing the posthumous collection of Jonson' s works, their interest in the poet in the early ' s must have been genuine, their encouragement sustained and sustaining.
Jonson' s "'Epigram'' to Venetia, however, is less important for what it reveals about his contacts with the Digbys than for what it intimates about the network of hierarchial relationships in which, as a practical poet, he had to operate. He passes his work to Venetia in the hope that she will communicate it to her husband, who might then read it in front of Weston, who might then promote the poet's reputation with those around and beneath him, but perhaps especially with those above.
In few other poems does Jonson indicate quite so explicitly his awareness of the web of patronage connections or of the influence those contacts had on his status and reputation. In nearly all his poems, however, to one degree or another, such aware- ness is implied. Jonson here implicitly concedes that it is not so much the value or success of the poem itself that matters as that value's public recognition by the socially influential. It will be less the work per se than Weston's reaction to it that will create the interest Jonson hopes for.
Of course, this admission is in part simply another means of complimenting and influencing Weston; by attributing such power to him, it helps reinforce the mystique of the power he already holds. Yet the admission is also realistically frank. Behind the imaginative conceit of the poem's title stands the real woman and the other real figures on whose support its and his success would stand or fall. Like all of Jonson's poems to patrons, this one is a work interesting, in large part, for what it takes for granted. My book offers fuller acknowledgments and citations than I have space for here.
Ben Jonson, ed. Herford and Percy and Evelyn Simpson, 11 vols. Oxford: Clarendon Press, , 1: Dunn Macray, 6 vols. For a superb account of the whole episode see Samuel R. London: Longmans, , 7: See Alexander, New York: Columbia University Press, , See Nichol Smith, Alexander suggests that Clarendon's harsh estimate may have been influenced by his regard for Laud, Weston's rival.
However, the dispatches of various Venetian representatives at Charles's court also reflect the essential ambivalence of Weston's status and attitudes reported in Clarendon's account; see volumes 22 and 23 of the Calendar of State Papers Venice, ed. Allen B. These reports make it clear that although Weston enjoyed more influence than any other courtier, he also feared a fall. His preoccupation with the machinations of his rivals is a recurrent theme in the Venetian dispatches, and clearly he had good reason to worry.
At one point a friendly courtier warned Weston that he would be held responsible for all that went wrong with a particular government policy, and the warning seems to have had some impact CSPV A particularly interesting report indicates that, at least at one point, even Charles seems to have grown jealous of Weston's power and disdained seeming too dependent on him CSPV ; yet, another report written just a few weeks later asserts that Weston was highly esteemed by Charles CSPV This ambivalence is typical of the Venetian comments on Weston's fortunes during his years of greatest prosperity: even when or perhaps especially when his power seemed at its height, it never was and never could be entirely secure.
The Lord Treasurer had too many natural antagonists and personal enemies for that to be the case. The list of Weston's enemies could easily be extended; see Clarendon, 1: Weston may have feared his rivals, but as long as he retained the King's support, his rivals also had reason to fear CSPV Much of the court's business inevitably passed through his hands CSPV Moreover, Weston knew how to use his influence with the King to his own advantage and against his foes CSPV ; Yet when pretexts for attacking him arose, his rivals did not fail to exploit them CSPV Charles seems to have been genuinely afflicted by his old servant's death, and he assured Weston during his final illness that the interests of his family would be protected.
Thus one of the last of the Venetian reports on Weston epitomizes their typical ambivalence, mentioning both the support he enjoyed and the protection he craved. Even in his last days he could not escape the anxiety about his power now viewed as the prospective yet uncertain power of his heirs that had bedevilled him throughout his life CSPV For a humorous example of such anxiety, see Clarendon, 1: After an early period of what Jonson seems to have interpreted as neglect in the first years of the new reign, he regained some of his old status at court, but then risked annoying Charles with his increasingly bitter attacks on his old rival, Inigo Jones, see Evans, For the passages cited, see Alexander, Shirley's first stanza also suggests his expectation that his poems would be compared with other gifts and tributes.
Alexander Dyce London: J. Murray, , 6: Alexander reports that Weston made "occasional friendly, albeit unsuccessful gestures" to Laud. One, a month before Hierome's wedding, also involved officiating at a religious service: Weston invited Laud to dedicate the newly-completed chapel of his new estate.
Could Jonson's prominent reference to the Bishop be in any way related to such conciliatory motives? The state of Weston's health may help to answer Annabel Patterson's question about why, through a classical allusion in the poem's last lines, "the question of decay was raised at all"; see Censorship and Interpretation: The Conditions of Writing and Reading in Early Modern England Madison: University of Wisconsin Press, , By subtly reminding Weston of his frail health, Jonson also reminds him of the poem 's ability to give him a kind of immortality, not only by celebrating him personally but also by helping him to cement the public status of his family.
On Weston's ambitions for his family, see, for instance, Clarendon, 1: Patterson implies some ambivalence in Jonson's attitude toward Weston Parry valuably discusses Arundel and Buck- ingham as patrons Alexander, Jonson's view of painting was probably not as uniformly negative as this poem suggests. For instance, a passage in the Discoveries proclaims that "Picture is the invention of Heaven: the most ancient, and most a kinne to Nature. For that can speake to the Under- standing; the other, but to the Sense. In "Ben Jonson: the Poet to the Painter" Texas Studies in Literature and Language, 18 : , Mary Livingston argues that almost all of Jonson's comments about the visual arts include that they are incapable of adequately rendering universal truths When possible, we should try to place each of Jonson's pronouncements about the visual arts within its immediate context - especially its immediate patronage context — rather than generalizing very broadly about them.
His expressed attitudes may have been affected by the seriousness of the threat he perceived at any given time from the visual arts or, more precisely, from visual artists, such as Inigo Jones. The OED records no use of the verb "compose" in connection with painting before , whereas the word's associations with writing seem much older in fact, the OED cites one of Jonson's uses of it in this latter sense. In addition to linking the patron and the poet, the word "compose" with its etymology of "bring together" and its associations with pacification puns on Weston's political role and his vigorous support for a policy of peace.
Ironically, Weston's actual effect on the English politics of his day was the opposite of "composing": his policies were decidedly controversial. On an echo of Horace in "compose," and for other helpful comments on the poem's classical allusiveness, see Richard S. After his father's promotion, Hierome came to be called "Lord Weston. The poem's full title celebrates Hierome's own elevation by addressing him as "L.
During a high point in his unpopularity in , Weston sought to affect public opinion by having his dependents advertise his merits; see CSPV Ironically, one of Weston's own fiercest opponents was the parliamentarian Sir John Eliot. Jonson's responses was a small masterpiece of invective.
L-ike Gill's poem, it seeks to embarrass its target socially, dredging up Gill's conviction a few years before for slandering the dead Buckingham, as well as Charles and James. The last four words epitomize the poem's own effect. Paul's School New York: Columbia University Press, , recalls that Jonson had also been suspected of endorsing Buckingham's death, and suggests that his attack on Gill may have been partly designed to distance himself further from these allegations See R.
Peterson, 54; See Gabrieli, 6. Peterson among others argues that Digby wrote the Loose Fantasies to vindicate his wife's reputation Gabrieli cautions that there is no evidence that Digby's manuscript ever circulated xvii , but it seems difficult to believe that Digby wrote it with no intention of having it read. Gabrieli, xxiii. Gabrieli, xxv. Peterson, See The Works of Edmund Spenser, ed. Edwin Greenlaw, et al.
Baltimore; Johns Hopkins Press, , 2: Ian Donaldson cautions that although the phrase "Barnabee the bright" 15 also occurs in Spenser's poem, it was traditional as well. See Ben Jonson, Chute, Soyez tousjours sur vostre garde, Car tel veult prendre, qui est pris. Elle se donne une voix. Par son aventure, l'homme gagne l'estime de ses semblables, la femme l'opprobre. C'est, plus encore, un "tresheureux labeur".
Elles se sont faites complices de l'acte de transgression. Et ainsi que m'occupoye en telles sola- cieuses exercices, mon mary survint Car par ce que je luy diray en confession, il ne l'oseroit jamais reveler. Louis Notes 1. Michel Simonin. Letting go of your baby. When I was a junior in college, I studied in Paris for a semester. Read more here on this wonderful insightful blog: Mary and me. Waters of the oceans and streams of faith. Whoever thirsts will drink freely of live-giving water, alleluia. Worship the Lord who made the heavens and the earth, springs of water and the mighty sea, alleluia.
The saints will rejoice in glory, alleluia. In this morning prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours, I saw a wonderful golden thread running through it and it answers all the big questions of life: first, there is the statement about God's creation the ocean , then the new life in Christ for every Christian the living waters and then finally holiness and joy which is both the goal and the way With photos. Charity is the queen of virtues. I have already said how much I enjoy "How Christ changed the world" by Msgr.
Luigi Civardi. This is a terrific and short compendium of Catholic Social Teachings and I keep coming back to it. Here is the beginning of the chapter on "Charity": Justice and Charity are the two foremost social virtues, inasmuch as they dispose our minds to the fulfillment of our duties toward society, so that, after having considered the teachings of Christianity with regard to justice, we are now to treat of charity, called the queen of virtues. Charity is the theological virtue that inclines us to love God for Himself and our neighbor for the love of God.
Charity must not only be affective [prompted by feeling and sentiment], but also effective [productive of effects and of works]. Works are the test of charity. It is not enough to wish good to our neighbor; it is also necessary to do good to him, according to his needs. Charity has to be converted into kindness and mercy. It was this that Our Lord taught by the parable of the Good Samaritan, who "seeing him, was moved with compassion" [affective charity], and forthwith "he went up to him and bound up his wounds.
And the parable ends with an admonition to imitate the Good Samaritan who "showed mercy to him. Read more here on the Catholic Tradition site. A terrific article on the virtues of patience and fortitude and more. Here are a few passages: An emotionally healthy life is one in which the emotions are moderated by right reason … Now the greatest achievement of love is to learn to love the other as another self. But love is difficult to achieve. It is difficult because love is channeled through virtue and virtue is difficult.
And it is difficult more specifically because specific difficulties arise that become obstacles in the quest for the Supreme Good. Hence, the need for a host of virtues such as temperance and fortitude, patience, charity and hope that will enable us to overcome these obstacles. Emotional health, in other words, demands that we aspire to something higher than ourselves and our own personal comfort. It demands that our life become a quest for the Supreme Good, that is, for God.
We are what we love, and it is really only by loving that which is larger than ourselves that we actually become enlarged and enriched … Now a human person is what he chooses. We become what we choose. Our character is established by the choices that we make. In making an unjust choice, I become an unjust man. In choosing to lie, I become a liar, a person who is untrustworthy. Life brings with it all sorts of hardships, many of which are inflicted by others. Things rarely go our way … Hardships lead to sorrow, and sorrow in turn can beget anger.
Anger can beget hatred, which in turn can lead to unjust injury, either verbal or physical. That is why the emotion of sorrow needs to be moderated according to reason. The virtue of patience is that habit by which we endure hardship so that we maintain the course of action set out by reason. The patient man is not inordinately saddened by the things which cause him hurt. The defect of patience is, of course, impatience, which is an inability to bear hardship, and which involves a loss of self-possession. This results in the forsaking of the good on account of the sorrow caused thereby.
Read more here on Catholic Education site. Cool Discovery About the Birth of Christ! Thank God for Jimmy Akin, for this articulate and wise apologist Read more here on his site. For we play out the Passion story not only during Holy Week but every week of our lives. I mean, the presence of Christ within me struggles with a Judas within me who pretends to love him but really is engaged in arresting his development, handcuffing my Christic potential.
The presence of Christ within me looks with sadness upon a Peter within me.. Read more here on Geoff Wood Reflections blog. Over the years, as I have taught on the matter of sexual morality, to both young people and also couples getting ready for marriage, I have noticed a pattern in the Biblical texts: sexual immorality is quite often linked or closely associated with references to greed and theft. This link has become clearer and more understandable to me over the years. For, greed is excessive desire to possess wealth or goods, it is the insatiable desire for more.
This is closely linked to lust which is an inordinate desire for the pleasures of the body. Thus the lustful, the sexually immoral and unrepentant person says, in effect: I want sexual pleasure for myself. I do not not want to pay any "price" for it by seeing it in relationship to other goods and people. I do not want to see it in relationship to the institution of marriage, or the love of a spouse, or family, or children. I do not want commitments or responsibilities. I merely indulge in sex because I want it.
All that matters is that I want it. Read more here on the blog of Msgr Charles Pope. Vassula Ryden. To many this was scandalous news for she truly had a positive message that many of us would like to hear about Church unity. What is unfortunate about the message is in the way it had been received, which was through the well known occult practice of automatic writing.
Consequently, to accept her message you in turn would have to accept a practice long condemned by the Church Read more here on Eastern Catholics for Renewal site. Read more here on the lifesite news site. What a blessed moment for all of us. I did see him once, only once, a few years ago: in May of , I went to the Wednesday public audience in Rome, with my daughter; he was already very sick and frail, but he read a Psalm and he gave us a blessing, all of us, the 20, people who were there And he said the blessing extended to all the ones we love and it made me very happy, I take these things very seriously.
I am talking about blessings and miracles, love and faith! On that day back in , the sun was shining, St. Peter's Square was packed, the various greetings were done in 7 languages at least and it was the most joyful and peaceful and patient crowd I had ever seen. Very diverse too. There were a bunch of teenagers from Southern Italy next to us doing the wave, there were an elderly group from a French parish in front of us and we chatted with them for a while, there were visiting Catholic groups from Sweeden and Argentina and all over the world and I even remember a Jewish group from a synagog in Brooklyn!
Numerous newly married couples in their wedding gowns were on one side of the stage where was the Pope and numerous handicapped people in wheelchairs were on the other side. The atmosphere that day was very special, it was filled with faith, it was very festive and fun, but with a strong sense of "family", of belonging to the same large family of believers and supporters I have never gone to a WYD but I assume it is the same.
I have gone on pilgrimages before and I found it to be similar: when large groups of people are gathered for the common good and with the same transcendant focal point, then it brings the best out of each one of us. Yes, it is very special. In , we had two wonderful days in Rome and I was extremely grateful to be there with my darling daughter. All throughout the last 12 years of my life, I have read and re-read John-Paull II writings, his encyclicals and his interviews and they have shaped my faith. Blessed John Paul, pray for us!
I am going to post the link here to the article I wrote just before his death, in Sacred mysteries. As for the Great Scheme of Things If you are a regular reader you'll know what I mean by that. The Church defines a Sacred Mystery as that which we are not even meant to understand, God's wisdom that is beyond our capacity as humans to ever understand. I define it to mean, "Just let it go.
Just let it go. I'll admit that I am always very happy to do this. There is so much in this world which we must understand. Math, what causes obesity, what things infuriate or calm the people with whom we share oxygen, street signs that are just some kind of vague symbol, which way to turn the car wheels when parking on a hill, how long the milk will stay fresh if you leave it on the counter, what happens if you mix bleach and ammonia, why you should never mention the Korean War to Grandpa Bill, how come it's better to live a life of compassion and forgiveness as opposed to one of judgement and competition, what Jesus meant when he said, "Consider the lilies" Read more here on Ask Sister Mary Martha blog.
Signs of the Times, Is Antichrist Near? This idea has distinct emotional appeal in our troubled times, since one way or another, it would all end soon, and possibly without our having to "do" anything". That's a good point! And I'm glad that she adds, right away: "Although the prospect relieves us of our sense of personal responsibility to become or remain involved in an immoral world which despises a Christian moral message, according to the historic Tradition of the Church and the direction of her leadership, it would be a tragic error for several reasons".
Read it all, as I said, it's very interesting, although I do wish she would give better references for a couple of points such as the " period of unprecedented Catholic peace will reign over the whole earth, both in government and in the Church, in what may seem like a renaissance of the Holy Roman Empire", where did she get this? Maybe I'll ask her directly But her advices are sound: repent and pray, fear not and evangelize! We must be able to offer stability, sanity, hope, truth". Read it all here on the Catholic. En lire plus ici. Apocalypse now? Qui craint le Seigneur se fait de vrais amis, car tel on est, tel est l'ami qu'on a.
Heidi de Johanna Spyri. Le soleil du soir illuminait l'Alpe verte. Un rayon rouge tomba devant ses pieds. Elle restait immobile au milieu de cette splendeur. En lire plus ici sur le beau site d'Annuncioblog. Il fait gris, il fait froid, l'hiver est revenu, avec de la pluie et des flocons de neige et beaucoup de brumes.
Ma propre recette de Clafoutis aux poires, aux pommes.
Pour la recette en francais, ici. For the English version of the same recipe, click here. Les Litanies du Coeur de Jesus. Avec les versets de la Bible qui sont l'inspiration derriere chaque incantation, avec un peu de l'histoire de cette priere. En lire plus ici sur ce site dans la section "Prayers". See my Slideshow on Ice in the Creek and Job here Diaporama sur les dentelles de glace dans le torrent et le chapitre 37 de Job versets Vous pouvez en lire plus sur lui ici sur le site du Vatican, ou bien ici sur le site des Jesuites a Paray.
En lire plus ici sur le site Chiesa Espresso. Sainte Catherine de Bologne: "sept armes dans la lutte contre le mal. En , elle a une vision du jugement dernier. Elle identifie sept armes dans la lutte contre le mal, contre le diable. En lire plus ici sur le site de Zenit. L'Union Eucharistique. Pro Mundi Vita. En lire plus ici sur le site de l'Union Eucharistique org. Claudel et la Bible. En lire plus ici sur le site de Paul-Claudel.
Le Psaume 8 et des photos de nature en montagne. Lire la suite de ce tres bon article avec photos et une carte ici sur le site du Figaro.
Philosophy of Religion
En lire plus ici sur le site de Sant'Egidio. Et c'est bien comme cela. Apres tout, le sens de l'Eglise, c'est de nous tourner vers Dieu et de laisser entrer Dieu dans le monde. La liturgie c'est l'acte dans lequel nous croyons qu'Il entre et que nous le touchons.
Il faut aussi que ce soit clair. Lire l'article de Sophie de Villeneuve en entier ici sur le site du journal La Croix. Le Verbe vint en elle pour se taire dans son sein. La foudre vint en elle pour ne faire aucun bruit. Celui qui dispense toutes choses connut la faim. Joseph Guo Jincai. Lisez la suite ici sur le site de Zenit. En lire plus ici sur le site Missel.
En lire plus ici sur le site du journal La Croix. Le pape soutient la pratique du ski. En lire plus ici sur le blog christ roi. L'Eglise en questions. Le sens de la vieillesse. En , Edith apprend la mort de son ami, le professeur Adolphe Reinach. L'Inconnu en chemin.
Merkel en première ligne contre le multiculturalisme - Liberté d'expression
Avec justesse, le P. En lire plus ici sur le site d'Esprit Et Vie. Vive la Toussaint, vive la Communion des Saints! Saint Ephrem. Saint Denis The Aeropagist, pray for all seekers! Saint Philomena, please help us, Sainte Therese intercede for us Thank God for the Communion of Saints! En lire plus ici sur le site des pages orthodoxes. Allez faire un tour sur ce site, c'est tres interressant.
Je viens juste de le decouvrir. Pro-vie, l'Eglise, un peu de politique et beaucoup de foi En lire plus ici sur le site de Riposte catholique.
En lire plus ici sur le site de Santegidio. En lire plus ici sur le site de Inx Sainte Marguerite Marie, priez pour nous! En lire plus ici sur le site du sanctuaire de Paray-le-Monial. Sainte Marguerite Marie et les douze promesses. En lire plus ici sur le site de Deo Juvante. Marguerite Bays. En lire plus ici sur le site de gregoiredenysse. La Resurrection. Voyez cett diaporama fascinante de 74 d'oeuvres d'art sur La Resurrection En lire plus ici sur le site du Carmel en France. Me voici revenue en Haute-Savoie!
Les montagnes, la foret, les couleurs d'automne qui commencent Saint Athanase d'Alexandrie. Prier avec saint Jean-Marie Vianney. En lire plus ici sur le site du sanctuaire d'Ars. En lire plus ici sur le site du Vatican. Decouvrez le reste de cette reflexion sur le site de l'Aumonerie scolaire de l'Ain ici.
La mission de l'Eglise. A cette mission, nous savons qu'elle ne peut faillir. En lire plus ici sur le site de Bible service. Comment vivre la Communion des Saints. Chants sur le Saint Esprit.
En lire plus ici sur le site de prionsenchanson. Pays de Galles, Bretagne. En lire plus ici sur le site du CEF. En lire plus ici sur le site de ecrivainscroyants. Une page d'information sur les Maristes, leur histoire, leur spiritualite et leur mission. En lire plus ici sur le site de CORREF, qui offre une longue liste des Instituts et Abbayes en France, par ordre alphabetique, avec une fiche d'information sur chacun d'eux. CH Chiaraluce from chiara luce on Vimeo. Saint Jean-Baptiste. Cette page est une bonne collection des oeuvres d'art sur Jean: ici. Par contre, le text apporte peu sur la mission de Jean Baptiste.
En lire plus ici sur le site de patristique. En lire plus ici sur le site de nominis. Anuncio au coeur du Festival de Cannes En lire plus ici sur le site Anuncio blog. En lire plus ici sur le site de mariedenazareth. En lire plus ici sur le site de libertepolitique. Qui trahit la tradition? Un essai du philosophe Martin Rhonheimer en faveur du pape.
En lire plus ici sur le site Chiesa de Sandro Magister. En lire plus ici sur le site de Notre Dame du Web. En lire plus ici sur le site d'Opus Dei. The UN refugee convention: still valid? Amaya Valcarcel, Jesuit Refugee Service International Advocacy Coordinator, considers the aptness of the law to deal with forced displacement today. The UN Convention relating to the status of refugees is rightly considered to be the cornerstone of refugee protection. However, 60 years after it was enacted, many question whether this law is now outdated. Certainly its definition of who is a refugee does not cover all modern displacement situations.
En lire plus ici sur le site de Jesuit Refugee Service. Il pleut, il y a des orages sur les Alpes Une goutte d'eau, c'est trois fois rien. Un moment de reflexion sur le Psaume 21 - et sur le Psaume Le salut est loin de moi, loin des mots que je rugis. Lisez la suite ici. Un geste d'une grande douceur! En lire plus ici sur le site Retraite dans la ville. Voir la liste ici sur le site de l'Abbaye Saint Benoit.
En lire plus ici sur croireTV. Un silence dynamique. Ce vent venait annoncer quelque chose. En lire plus ici sur le site de l'Arche. Ice formation in a small ditch. Nature palette. In a few days, I'll be going back to the French Alps for the winter. Knowing I will not see the local treasures of the Pacifc coast for a while, I have been driving down Highway 1 on a few occasions and checking the waves and the ocean, the beaches and the plants of this corner of the world and taking lots of photos.
Red tail hawk in the Sunset district. Le brouillard sur la ville de San Francisco. Look me up and send me a friend request, in English or in French. By the way, the translation above is mine Read more here My latest article on the Communion of Saints! See a site devoted to her here St. Read more here 38 For I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, 39 nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Paul Letter to the Romans chapter 8 Saint Jean Vianney stressed how important it is to exercise our soul every day and he gave us very practical and useful hints: - before work: offer your efforts and your fatigue for the expiation of sins, yours and the world's; - before meals: always be grateful for what you are going to eat; - during meals: if you find yourself absent-mindedly stuffing food in your mouth, stop and turn to God, beg him to forgive you, thank him for showing you how easily you can get suck in to worldly pleasures; - in difficult times: recognize that God's ways are different from your wishes and accept them, in tender submission; - in moments of temptation: turn immediately to Christ and cry out for help!
En lire plus ici sur le site Anuncio blog 31 mai - Visitation de la Vierge Marie. Nichelle tells me that your career has taken off. It takes a lot of time. Ever since graduating this past year, I've been re-evaluating where I want to be. I couldn't tell from the photos if Ashlee is hot. I guess it depends if you want a full-time position in an orchestra with a season and shit you might not want to put up with.
In many ways I'm happy with or, maybe simply addicted to my freelance lifestyle. There's always the pull to "settle down" and have a job somewhere, but I don't know if that would agree with my personality. We're working on living reasonably well with our independent artist status. When we get a house, maybe you can visit and play a concert in the theatre.
You have to incorporate the sound of the stream, however. Just let me know when and where, and I'll be there. Maybe a program that is half-prepared, half-improvised. Ah, the possibilities I'll send you a few pictures. Maybe we can even convince Nichelle to come out of retirement and play her devil's penis. You still use this address? I don't know if we'll be ready by then. I certainly hope so. Buying a house is not a process I relish. We'll have to see. Also, let me know if you are going to Spoleto or something.
I may go back there to play on their chamber music series at some point. I look forward to seeing your new site. That way I can criticize your publicist's work. I'll let you know when it's up and running. Meanwhile, I have a rehearsal in a few minutes. Let's stay in touch, and let me know when you buy your house! Have a good pratice. I miss you both. I wonder if we could find a way to keep in touch.
Uccella is a fervent fan of contemporary literature and art. I've told her that I wasn't especially interested in contemporary literature, or even modern literature, but of course both of you know better. I might wonder why such a simple sentence as this:. You both know how to do this. I would also like to add music to our lives, but we are both woefully ignorant. I should have done this while I was living with Nichelle, but I was probably too drunk at the time, and we were both concentrated on writing and other pursuits. I was talking with Murder about a possible duet in the amphitheater.
I was not entirely joking. We have to buy a house first, possibly invite one of Uccella's friends, so that I can try to prove my humanity. I have no idea how to explain my relationship with Nichelle. Fortunately Uccella doesn't ask too many inconvenient questions. I would love to see you both, and there's no police in the amphitheater at midnight. You can just wake me up, in case I'm taking a nap.
Nearly 3, Jews lived in Florence in The Nazis occupied Florence in the autumn of Most Jewish families in Florence lost a family member due to the Fascists or the Nazis. The first deportation took place on November 6, , and a second one occurred five days later. Rabbi Nathan Cassuto, physician and spiritual leader of the Florentine Jewish community, was sent with the second group. In a third deportation, on June 6, , sixteen elderly Jews were taken from the old age home to Germany. The temple was damaged by the Germans in August , when they detonated several mines in the interior.
A total of Jews were deported from Florence, only 13 returned. I've just finished rereading "reading Freud" , tears flowing from my eyes, my body wracked in pain. I have to think that life is worth the sorrow one bears in order to write such a letter. So this is my official announcement. I am a potential father again. I am happy. We have chosen the names Rose and Roman Reiss, depending on the sex.
I imagine you can figure out which is which, or translate into gender or whatever. We are still screaming at the landlord on an almost daily basis, as he tries to cut our water, gas or electricity. I can hear him outside doing some job, possibly reconfiguring something new to torment us. We have finally got the information necessary to sick a huissier de justice on him, but that will have to wait until we open the Christmas gifts and sing yuletide carols by our little tree, decorated mostly in blue.
I wrote very nasty mail to amazon. I guess they really like me. Vegetable soup is cooking, and a leg of lamb is ready for lemon and rosemary treatment. We like names. For lunch we had Scotch smoked salmon and oeufs de lompe poor man's caviar and foie gras de canard poor man's foie gras. We have a very big bottle of champagne in the refrigerator. I bought one hundred red roses for Uccella. The French possessive adjective agrees in gender and number with the object possessed, as opposed to the subject possessing, the latter being the case in English.
In German the possessive adjective agrees with both subject and object. This tends to create ambiguity in French that is typically resolved by making the subject of the sentence the antecedent of the anaphora. The fourth sentence of the following passage beginning "Mme Arnoux" illustrates Flaubert's scorn for this kind of clarity in favor of his shifting focalization or points of view:. Pauvre, il convoitait le luxe sous sa forme la plus claire. The fourth sentence may be translated as follows, using square brackets in an effort to avoid making explicit that which Flaubert has left implicit:.
The official translator, one Douglas Parmee of Oxford University Press, whose minions have kindly allowed Amazon to use the "Search Inside" function, thus the translation, has thrown up his hands. He rewrites the sentence replacing the subject "Mrs Arnoux" with "he", which unhappily solves the problem that Flaubert has created. All the same, a dirty trick like that made him feel ashamed. Then, a moment later:. Through hearing so much about Madame Arnoux, he had finally created an extraordinary image of her in his mind.
Such undeviating devotion had become a sort of irritating problem for him and its rather theatrical earnestness had grown tiresome. Moreover, the society woman or one whom he thought of as such was in his eyes a dazzling symbol, the epitome of a thousand and one arcane delights. Being poor himself, he had a yearning for luxury in its most conspicuous form.
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As I've long upheld, the preterit tense passe simple does not exist in French, or rather it has always been a purely formal, literary tense, seldom even used in epistles, for example. It belongs to Balzac, and Flaubert never feels quite comfortable with it. Thus, instead of using the periphrastic form of this tense "eut fini" , he uses the pluperfect "avait fini", the auxiliary verb conjugated in the imperfect. One critic called another example of this tendency: "the deadening 'C'etait'".
Flaubert uses this introductory verb to slow down the reader, and beat him senseless. As one of my professors at McGill once said: "I need a lot of breath to read Flaubert. A similar, though far less complex, instance of a dangling participle appears in the last sentence of the following passage:. Since Martinon is a man, there is an ostensible lack of agreement. This elliptical construction is analogous to the Latin ablative absolute, and may be rendered in unequivocal but slightly less economical French as follows:.
The sentence may be translated as follows, once again using square brackets to avoid explicitness:. At the same instant Martinon arrived and they went into the study. She'd hardly left when Martinon seemed to have mislaid his handkerchief. All the speakers seized the opportunity to inveigh against socialism, which had led to Monsieur Dambreuse's death.
It was the spectacle of anarchy together with his devotion to the principle of order which had brought him to an early grave. They priased his enlightened understanding, his honesty, generosity and even his failure tos peak when representing the people in the Chamber, for though he may have had no gift for oratory, he did, instead, have those sound qualities, far, far more valuable The stony earth fell on Monsieur Dambreuse; he was gone and the world would never concern itself with him again. They did still go on talking about him a little as they left the cemetery and their comments did not lack candour.
Hussonnet, who had to report the funeral in the newspapers, went so far as to parody all the speeches; after all, old Dambreuse had been one of the most notorious 'palm-greasers' of the previous regime. Then, these pillars of society were driven away in their mourning carriages to see to their own business affairs; thank God, the ceremony hadn't been too long!
I have something I'd like to send to you. What's your mailing address? I'm OK, living in Ardony with a very jealous pregnant woman. Baby girl due 1 September. Catherine seems to have broke water, so we are leaving for the hospital. A Rose Vared was born yesterday 27 August at , according to the somewhat suspect and unsynchronized clocks at the hospital. There was tense bickering about family and given names. Happily we didn't have to declare a religion, as I think Rose is as bereft of a religion as she is of a nationality, for the moment. Someday she will probably be Italian and American, maybe Israeli, possibly French, but for the moment her civil status is contained on an ankle bracelet.
I will try to get her a birth certificate this afternoon. I will try to get the date and place of birth right, as are respectively wrong on my sister's and mine. The gynecologist-obstetrician was nowhere in site because, well, apparently that isn't his job. He just does the prenatal interviews, leaving the labor and birth to a midwife. She was assisted by an auxiliary puerculturalist. Neither of them looked anything over twenty-five. The only experience I can compare the birth to is The Alien, a film which of course I have never seen.
One body lurches out of another body amidst a flood of flesh, blood, unidentified fluid, and the two bodies look very little alike. Everyone around is very tired and stressed out. I cut Rose's umbilical cord, which was blue and corkscrew-shaped. I was shaking badly, shedding a few tears.
The Rose of Ardony
So far as I can tell, a man becomes a father the moment he sees the birth of his child. I wish I could show you pictures, but I seem to have screwed up something in the webcam. Rose has a full head of black hair, soft, pink skin. She weighed 3. I dressed her. She didn't cry.
In fact, a little more than a day old, she has only cried a couple of times for a few minutes. Mostly she sleeps and thinks about things. One of the nurses used the word "aterrissage" meaning "landing", a cognate of Earth usually applied to airplanes. The term strikes me as particularly apt, the shift from a watery womb to the open air. It is all very much of a woman's world. The only man showed up was the Anesthesiologist, Dr. Geisskopf, who promptly yelled at the midwife for turning off Catherine's heart and blood pressure monitors, which were bothering her and making noise no one needed.
The only useful monitor was of Rose's heartbeat. The contraction monitor seemed to me to be a random number generator. Oops, you can download pictures in a 1. The fight broke out over painkillers. Until then, I had more or less managed to bend and break the house rules and spend two nights in Catherine's private room, one night before the birth and one afterwards. Time slows to a crawl when you spend it looking at bloody, swollen body parts, then peering lovingly into a face that mostly sleeps, while you read into each tiny change of expression all kinds of imaginary meaning, when the slightest sound of breath or movement brings joy into your heart.
One of the first things Rose Reiss did when she was placed on her mother's belly was to extend her right index finger in my general direction. I placed my finger in her hand, and she grasped it. This has become one of our favorite games. She seems to be very good at grasping. So far her job specialization seems to include sleeping, gripping, and not crying. She doesn't drink too much hypoallergenic bottled milk. I am very sad that I had to leave her tonight, but things are a little tense at the hospital. I got kicked out last night and stayed anyway. The fight over the painkillers poisoned our already tenuous relations with the help.
Since apparently the midwives midwifes? All of this while Rose has seen absolutely no care whatsoever, except for ours, which is probably enough anyway. No hearing test, nothing. No one has taken her temperature. Perhaps this is an exaggerated version of the Hypocratic oath to do no harm. In that case, I am in favor. OK, I must eat something. I joked with Catherine that if I take a shower and change clothes Rose will no longer recognize me by smell. I can smell Rose on her dirty laundry.
Her odor comforts me in my fatherly exile. I think we shall leave the hospital tomorrow after the pediatrist's visit based on mutual incompatibility. They don't seem to want us anymore, and we can't see what they are doing for us, except giving us bad food and no care. She's beautiful. Rose is obviously in good and loving hands, even if Dr. Scheisskopf and his crew aren't able to provide for her the way her parents do. Congratulations, Gabe. I'm sure you have many joyful and sleepless days and nights ahead of you. I was supposed to plant it on Rose's birthday, but that turned out to be impossible, so I planted the Bigarreau Reverchon cherry tree in the backyard this afternoon.
Rose spent a good night mostly in our bed. I guess the theory is that babies need to learn some independence from their parents sooner rather than later. It is very hard to hear her cry and not go pick her up. It seems fine with me for her to sleep with us. Can't she learn independence some other time? Oh well, there's plenty of fun with milk and shit and bathwater. We get our fair share of QT. I hope I'm not boring you with the pics.
If I were you, I wouldn't bother downloading the files, but this may interest you:. In case any of you were wondering, Rose Vered in Hebrew as my father kindly informs me was born on 3 Elul in the Jewish calendar according to my savant calculations. She has been able to spend two relatively long and quiet nights in our bed, sleeping for six or seven hours at a stretch. When she gets tense, as she seems to do at sunset and around midnight, it is hard to know what to do.
The stress racks her whole body, from her crying mouth to her driving legs. A finger to suck calms her, but we can hardly do this all the time. A nipple or whatever the fuck that's called might do the trick, but we are trying to hold off on that to see if she can do without one. We will have to give in if she decides to suck her thumb all of the time, which is far from being the case so far, though this might be because she can't always find it.
Je me sens comme une merde, comme rien, rien. Riez ensemble de la grosse vache. C'est toi mon amour. Tu es belle comme le jour, et tu l'as toujours ete. Je suis desole de tout ce que j'ai pu faire pour que ca aille mal. Ca ira mieux dans tous les cas. Je suis desole, cherie, que tu sois triste. La parole ne me vient pas souvent. Les textes sont problematiques, car ils s'echappent a leur auteur comme a leur destinateur ostensible.
J'ai toujours pretendu: "There's no such thing as virtual reality,' tout en demarquant l'abime infranchissable entre le monde des mots et le monde des choses. Pourtant il y a bien une gamme qui va quelque part du texte a l'image a la voix au monde physique, dit reel. En tout cas je reste la, cherie, pour m'occuper de toi et de Rose dans la mesure de mes capacites. On n'a pas besoin de manger de la viande. Tu es le gros lot!? J'imagine, tu ne pensais pas aimer Rose comme tu l'aimes J'aimerais retrouver celle que je suis. Je t'aime encore et Rose, je l'adore depuis qu'elle est dans mon ventre.
Je ne pense pas etre le gros lot. J'ai l'intention de m'occuper de toi et de Rose et de trouver du travail en Ardon ou pas trop loin, par exemple a A r es que tu dis etre une ville. Je suis desole. Ma confiance et ma volonte de me lever, de me laver, de manger ont souffert aussi. J'espere qu'on s'en remettra. Je ne te meprise pas. J'ecris aux autres parce que je n'ai jamais su tenir un journal intime.
Ecrire aux autres, c'est une autre facon d'ecrire a soi. Moi aussi je t'aime, et j'aime Rose. J'ai aussi envie d'une belle histoire, et nous n'en sommes pas loin. Je n'ai pas envie qu'on se quitte. Le bonheur, etre heureux, je pense que c'est du bovarysme, mais je ne demande pas tant. Vivre, m'occuper de toi et de Rose, travailler pour l'instant j'en ai besoin pour m'organiser , c'est tout ce que je demande.
Rose strives with surprising strength in her arms and legs, seemingly impossible for her tiny body to generate. I guess that adults temper their gestures with conscious and unconscious inhibitions to prevent losing balance and falling down or doing grave harm to self or others. Rose seems to strike with unreflected singleness of purpose. Like a Buddhist monk she can concentrate all of her energy into one gesture. If one really wants to hit something, with no concern for damage to self or others, one can probably concentrate a terrible amount of archaic force.
C'est un partage Et ce en guise de journal intime Je ne parle pas du "bonheur". Mais, se sentir aussi mal, au point de n'avoir plus envie de rien, c'est de la survie. Subject: La Lettre volee. Mais oui, differentes solutions sont possibles, pas de travail, peu de travail, travail a la maison, etc. On verra deja ce que dit l'avocat et le prefet de Brive s. Le mot "heureux" a une etymologie curieuse qui semble en faire un doublet du mot "heure". Je vais deja un peu mieux, et j'espere etre le plus present que possible.
J'essaie de faire mes vocalises. J'ai commence a ecrire vers l'age de quinze ans a un camerade de lycee que j'ai peu frequente. Je ne sais pas pourquoi c'etait lui. Il ne me repondait pas souvent, peut-etre a une lettre sur dix que je lui ecrivais. Pendant les dix ans que je lui ai ecrit, on s'est vu peut-etre cinq fois.
C'etait une relation epistolaire et assez univoque. Pendant ce temps et apres j'ai concu etant donne mon incapacite d'ecrire un journal intime une esthetique influence par Les Liaisons Dangereuses et Le Naufrage du stade Odradek par Harry Mathews, traduit en francais par Georges Perec. Ceci m'evitait aussi la tache de creer des personnages et une histoire, ce qui ne m'a jamais interesse non plus. Il s'agit simplement de creer un style epistolaire, qui a evolue depuis le temps de mon camerade de lycee jusqu'en , quand j'ai decouvert le mail et la possibilite technique de realiser le genre de roman dont j'ai reve toute ma vie.
Il n'y a rien de personnel dans mon art, si je peux me permettre ce mot. C'est un art classique, formel, symetrique, meme si le style est un peu devergonde. Le roman "vr" n'est pas une autobiographie. SAGReiss n'est pas moi. Les autres aussi, meme s'ils ne savaient pas exactement qu'ils participaient a un projet de redaction litteraire. On va redecouvrir nos envies, meme s'il faut forcer un peu de temps en temps. J'espere qu'on refera le pain, et les petits soupers de legumes me vont tres bien.
On va se promener avec Rose. En attendant, ca reviendra. SAGReiss n'est pas toi, mais les photos de moi en plein accouchement, celles de Rose, et celles du cerisier de Rose font partie d'un partage entre toi, moi et Rose. Mon inspiration artistique est partie, je l'attends. On les vit ensemble.
VIvre et ecrire n'est pas la meme chose. Le monde des mots n'a rien a voir avec le monde des choses. Nous sommes dans le quotidien avec ses joies et ses peines. Nous vivons l'histoire du chat infernal, le chat de Bulgakov, comme je viens de le dire. Traduire ce chat en un personnage litteraire, c'est autre chose. Alice Liddell n'est pas Alice au Pays des Merveilles.
Les deux peuvent coexister. La distinction n'est pas toujours facile a faire. Marcel Proust avait un frere qui s'appelle Robert, si mon souvenir est juste. J'aurais pu verifier, mais je prefere encore me tromper. Le narrateur Marcel n'a ni nom de famille ni frere. Nos envies reviendront ensemble. Une confiture de figues par ci, une sauce pesto par la. Je ne connais pas ton inspiration artistique. Si elle est comme la mienne, ca reviendra. Il suffit d'attendre. Puisque tu n'oublies pas, comme je n'oublie pas Le jour et la nuit, la nuit et le jour.
Cherie, je ne fais pas un drame des paroles prononcees trop tard dans la soiree. Nous sommes tous la, toi et moi, Rose et Rose, Sarah et Stella. Nous perdurons. L'inspiration reviendra. Elle revient toujours. Il suffit qu'on etablisse petit a petit les conditions ou le germe puisse prendre racine, si ce metaphore n'est pas trop tordu. Pour l'instant, s'occuper de Rose, tenir le menage, essayer de gouter a la nourriture et au sommeil avec plaisir, faire l'amour. Bientot lire, ecrire, peindre, travailler dans la mesure du possible. Nous pouvons. Je t'aime aussi, cherie. J'aime faire l'amour avec toi.
Nous parvenons. Sorry I can't find more time to write. Rose grows and changes her expressions. I can't remember if I mentioned that she weighed in at 3. Her umbilical cord fell off a couple of days ago. We thought about keeping it, but that seemed a little lugubrious. I will keep every minute of Rose's life in my memory. She continues to be an easy-going, happy baby, seldom crying or complaining. Her facial expressions and body movement, while seemingly meaningful to me, are difficult to describe.
I haven't really got the time and the concentration necessary for this exercise. I guess you have all been through this before. I wish I could show you Rose. It will take a little time before we can arrange that. The tension here stemming from the month of July has not abated. We will have to be a little creative. I appreciate hearing from you. It also helps me remember to write, as I am not always online and can't seem to get my intellectual life organized yet. On Friday 15 September at I learnt how a battered woman feels. Nowhere to go.
No way to answer the violence. Catherine had left me and the baby upstairs at Fifteen minutes later I heard the front door shut. I thought she might have come back for something, or simply taken her time getting out, due to Albert Camus' disease, departure anxiety. I went downstairs to check, and locked the door before going back upstairs. At five o'clock in the afternoon she returned, and asked me why the door was locked. I answered: "Because I was upstairs. Catherine became more and more angry. She claimed that I was locking her out, although she naturally has a key to our home.
Soon she was screaming, not long afterwards close to delirious, imagining in grotesquely lurid terms that I was locking the door to which she has a key, I repeat in order to rape our three-week-old daughter. I gave up trying to answer and went to bed around nine, not taking Rose upstairs for fear of further antagonizing Catherine.
Increasingly drunk on beer, creme de mure, and Ricard, she made a few hostile trips upstairs, demanding that I sleep downstairs. I refused. At about four in the morning she came upstairs again in a foul, violent mood. She repeatedly kicked me in the torso. When I arose from bed, she repeatedly punched me in the face, knocking my glasses off and across the floor. I refrained from striking back. I do not remember all of the timing, so some of this chronology is off. Catherine's children witnessed some, but not the worst, of her violence. I do not know if they heard her wild and untrue accusations of rape and incest.
It is a shame if they did. She eventually calmed down enough to ask me to leave in a fairly polite manner. Obviously I would have left in an instant, had I had anywhere else to go. Unfortunately my paperwork is not yet done, and we bought a house together. I could forget about the latter, hoping to recover the investment at a later time, meanwhile paying rent to live, but I would need a job before I could get a lease. For the moment I have no other option but to stay here, no matter what the level of madness and violence is.
I can't fight back because I could never prove that she started it and the presumption would always go against the man. I am scared of hurting her just trying to protect myself with my arms. People get hurt in physical fights, even if one of the parties refuses to cast a blow.
Anyway, I couldn't win a custody battle until the baby is at least two years old, so I want to try to stay here for at least that long. In theory we should sell the house at the majority of the two minors Catherine's daughters from her late husband in order to give them their share I don't know if I can last that long.
I want to stay with Rose for as long as possible, but once I get my papers and a job, I cannot live with a sustained campaign of physical violence. In that case, it would be better for me and for Rose if I rented an apartment and sued for some form of shared custody, of which I would inevitably get the short end. In the meantime I have to wait. I don't even know to whom I can confide these awful truths.
I don't know anyone I trust, or else I don't trust anyone I know.