The first think you need to do is cut off the finances from her. Move your money to a new account with just your name. Tell her you want to work this out but she is going to have follow you. Let her threaten to divorce you. Do you know what the two things women use to usurp authority over their husbands and their home?
They either threaten to cut off sex or threaten to divorce. The only way you can confront their sin is to call their bluff. Maybe it is not a bluff. If it is not let her leave. A wife belongs with her husband. If she will not come live with you be your wife she should have not access to your money until a court orders it. I was raised by a single mom. My dad ditched us a long time ago. It has been my experience that women are almost always more responsible than men.
And more godly too… Women usually end up with the kids. I have never had a positive male role model. I am enraged at the very idea that a male with no cares in the world automatically making more money than a woman who has to take care of the kids and herself. And what if the husband wants the family to reject God? What if the father keeps the kids from learning about God, and maybe even wants them to do wicked things? Is the woman supposed to stand by and let her family go to Hell just because the guy said so?
The kids deserve better. And what if the woman is a genius PhD big-time boss lady and the husband is a dumb lazy bum with no job, because that happens a lot around here? Please respond to this. We have to be very careful of always believing our own life experiences reflect the norms of how things work in the world.
I can see how you might feel women are the ones who are more responsible because of what your father did and because of other men around you. There are definitely a lot of deadbeat dads. But there are also deadbeat moms and in my life experience I have seen plenty of those as well. I have seen women that are extremely lazy who fail to do simple things like make meals for their children or even make sure they go to school.
I have seen families where the father has to take on the role of both parents father and mother because of failure on the part of the mother. I have seen women leave their husbands to run off with their lovers. So if I were to take my life experience I could just as easily say men are the ones that often more responsible than women. You see a world where men leave women high and dry to work and care for the needs of their children on their own. Are there men that do this? Should these men be pursued and forced to pay support for their children? But there is another world that you probably have not seen because you see the world through lenses of your childhood and what your Dad did to you and your mom.
There is a world in which a woman marries a man and that man deeply loves her and her children and does everything he can to provide her with a good life. But because she feels that man does not worship her enough, and romance her enough she finds love in the arms of another man. She then is able to easily divorce him, take his children and half of everything he owns and now she gets to go live with her new lover with his children while he fiances her life with her new lover. That is pretty messed up too would you not agree? No human authority whether they are a King, a President, a mayor, a pastor, a teacher, a parent or even a husband has absolute authority.
The only absolute authority is God himself. The Bible tells us we are not to put family before God:. So no a mother is not supposed to stand by as her husband tells her children to do wicked things or reject God. But a woman needs to practice discretion and choose her battles. If a husband is asking his kids to sell drugs on the street corner the mother needs to step and say no. She may even need to take her children and leave if the husband is creating an unsafe atmosphere for the children and her.
But on smaller issues like Dad says kids can watch a certain TV show and she does not agree she should take that to him privately. If he still does not agree then she needs to drop it. A man is not always right because he is a man. Men are just as fallible as women are. But God has placed fallible men over fallible women. In the context of marriage unless a man physically abuses his wife or fails to provide for her or stops having sex with her she has no right to leave him. Unless a husband asks his wife to do something illegal or wicked or that violates the commands of God she must submit to him.
Oh yeah, I know a lot of skanky moms, I was just stating a different scenario. But hey, what if a woman is an expert in something the man knows nothing about? For example, what if a woman is an accountant and does her job perfectly, and her husband tells her to do it differently. Should she do it this other way and screw everything up just because he said so, and possibly even endanger the company? A perfectly capable woman who could do a particular job better than anybody around should just waste her time sitting around knitting blankets and producing 15 babies?
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Granted, kids are important, but still. That demotes people to being sex slaves. A wise husband should listen to wise counsel and that includes wise counsel from his wife. My mother in-law is much better with accounting and math in general and she pays the bills and manages the finances in her home. My grandmother did as well with my grandfather. There is nothing wrong with a Christian husband delegating the paying the bills to his wife. However he cannot delegate his responsibility to make the decisions as far as financial policies go.
For instance he and his wife may frequently discuss their income to debt ratio and she may advice him on exactly what she thinks that ratio should be. But ultimately the policy regarding their income to debt ratio is his decision. On the issue of women having careers I have written extensively on that subject on this site. God has given men and women different missions in life. For a man his primary mission includes lovingly leading, protecting, teaching, disciplining and the members of his house. For a woman serving the needs of her husband, her children and her home is not just part of her mission as it is with her husband but it is the very essence of her mission.
Now are there some instances where a woman has to work? If her husband becomes disabled or some unforeseen financial crisis were to occur she may be called to go and work. If a man abandons his family as was the case with your father then your mother was called in the provider roles along with her homemaker role.
We live in a sin cursed world and because of that women are sometimes called to do things that under normal circumstances God did not intend for them to do like providing for the family. Men are are sometimes called in the homemaker role in addition to their providing role when they have a disabled wife. But no woman should go into marriage planning on having a career that takes her away from her home for 50 hours a week and where she will be dropping her young infants off with strangers when they are 6 weeks old.
Catie's Choice; Domestic Discipline Fiction
If God allows the circumstances that force her to work then so be it — but women should be concentrating on the prime directive God has given them. It is a beautiful thing in the sight of God. On the issue of sex I think even those of us who believe a woman should not say no to her husband recognize that he should be considerate of her as well.
I think asking for sex every 5 minutes would be a bit excessive and most men could not humanly do that and I recognize you are exaggerating. Is it wrong for a man to ask for and expect sex from his wife once a day or maybe on some days twice in day? Now obviously if she is sick or has had surgery or had some traumatic life event like the loss of a loved one husbands should take this into account give their wives a break.
But expecting sex on a regular basis — even a daily basis is not sin. Wives have it WAY better than sex slaves. Go talk to some poor Asian or middle eastern girl that is a sex slave to some man. I guarantee you this women would give anything to have a husband and all the perks most wives have especially in western countries. They would gladly be having sex with their husband every day because of what they went through as a REAL sex slave.
I have a question. The woman is directly under him. What is considered disrespect? Well, here is my reason for asking. Long story. My husband was to go away for a business meeting. It was the first time he would be going away with only one female coworker. For three days. I do trust my husband to have common sense, but, I DO believe in safe guarding your marriage. Well, he left with her early in the morning and I said only small little harmless hints of dissatisfaction truthfully. Nothing that caused a fight or anything. Then called me at about pm after the conference ended for the day.
The attendees are of course then on their own for the remainder of the day. Sooooo, he and she went out to eat alone for supper, then they walked through the mall, together, then they went back to their separate rooms. It all boiled down to a fight via text. It basically lasted those full three days. I was a bit of a bully and preacher towards him. Just me. I was the only one who knew. Again, I approached him about the matter very delicately before he left, but he does not HEAR delicate. Well, anyway, as the argument climaxed, I did try to bring in a male authority figure and told him we needed to take it to the pastor.
Of course, that could just be my own American influenced thinking though. Either way, she confronted Abraham. Then God backed her. Should I be Sarah? Should I be the quiet wife? It remained shut throughout the rest of the evening. We were arguing over me giving or not giving him some paperwork. So he finally just yelled at me. Sometimes being the woman can stink a little. Let me first say I understand your concern and your husband should be very careful about being alone in anyway with a woman he is not married to. Unfortunately because of the sinful world we live in men and women are often forced to work together and go on business trips with one another.
But what he can do is setup boundaries where is only goes to business functions with her and apart from that he is not going to dinner alone with her or going to malls and do things outside their business dealings. In doing the things you mention he is making an occasion to fall to his sinful nature. I do think a wife can speak respectfully and gently to her husband when she has concerns about anything — including this type of situation.
I think women and really anyone under authority have the right to respectfully bring grievances or concerns to their authority. So I say all this to say yes you can bring your grievances and concerns to your husband in a respectful way but always remember in doing so that you are not his mother and authority, you are his wife — one who is under his authority.
Ultimately you are not spiritually responsible for your husband — he is responsible for you. In a future post I am going to write on this subject of Christian women sometimes feeling like their husbands treat them like children. I will just say this and then leave it. Is it because he tells you to be quiet?
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I will explain this more in an upcoming post. Its a sad state we are in as the people of God when we have to write out in such detail the need for the husband to persuade him that he must step up and take the reigns as the Authority in his home.
Domestic Violence and Spiritual Abuse: Part 3
I to am a man under authority, I say come and they come ,I say go and they go. I have been married 28 years and almost lost my husband because my open disrespect. He left the home and told me that if I do not learn to be under his authority as he is under Christ authority that i would end up, single. I sought the Lord and he did work into me an honoring attitude towards him. But I know that I must be careful not to slip back into rebellion. This only is accomplished in my spending time with the Lord. Biblically speaking discipline always flows downward and never upward.
So just as a child cannot discipline their parents because they are their authority so to a wife cannot discipline her husband because he is her authority. From a human perspective a husband however can be disciplined by his authorities which would be civil like police , his manager at work or the Pastor of his church. As long as those authorities are properly acting within their spheres of authority and not going beyond the authority God has given them. So for instance if a husband were physically abusing his wife and children his wife or his children could report him to the proper civil authorities and perhaps even church authorities for discipline.
Another example would be if he were failing to provide for his family i. But there will be many areas outside these big ticket issues where the one who disciplines the husband will be God. And she refused to not charge on her credit cards. There is no way she can pay them off she is 65 years old I told her to file chapter 13 she is on social security dollars month. What should I do? Joseph — I am assuming that these credit cards are in her name.
If that is the case there is no way you can close them down. Hopefully your name has never been on her credit cards. If it has there is a chance her creditors could come after you too as someone responsible for the spending. But in either case make sure your name is not associated with her on any of her cards. If it is call and have your name removed. Take your wife off your bank accounts or if you opened them jointly then open new accounts in only your name so creditors will not have access to your money.
The let her deal with the consequences of her spending even if it takes up her whole social security amount. Do not help her — do not enable her sickness. Nothing wrong with it at all. Great article, I stumbled across this. Anyways, I rather be alone than be around a quarlsome wife. I hate arguing and fighting with a passion, I think she enjoys it and wants that kind of attention.
I try not to fall for it, she just knows how to push my buttons. Thanks for the info and God bless. Just stumbled unto this article and how the writer can advise me accordingly. She has ignored me and so have I to her. Any advice? Men are so scared to tell their wives what to do these days that they get overwhelmed and walk out. Kuddos for writing this article. As much as I hate to get my banking privileges taken away, Id hate a divorce more.
Its taken me years to admit that, but its true. I know that when he disciplines me its to make our marriage work. Someone has to be the boss for things to work. I am praying that i can show my husband that i am willing to submit to him and serve him before its too late. Its been programmed in me since i was a child that marriage is supposed to be equal and husbands can be trained. It makes me angry and i pray that God will take that feeling away and make me more humble. Until then i just need to bite my tongue and do my job as a wife with a smile even if its a forced one.
Please pray for us, if you could. For the past years the spirit of cowardice has been growing more and more in men which has allowed the spirit of pride to grow and fester in women. This is has brought us to the feminized culture we live in today. And I am glad that you are recognizing the preconditioned thoughts you were brought up with when it comes to equality.
Americans and Western nations literally worship the false god of equality along with the false gods of education, emotion and money. We sacrifice our faith, our obedience to God and the good of our families all in worship to these false gods. You are absolutely right as a woman to pray for God to give you humility each and every day.
Humility is the greatest need in women of this generation and it has been for many generations. You know what men need to pray for? We need men to stand firm and act like men as the Scriptures exhort us to do. What should be my response as a wife if my husband is not giving me sex as much as i would like. We may do it once a week on the weekend. I would like it more than once a week but he always says he is too tired after work to do it. Should I submitt to this even though I have strong urges for more than once a week.
I have been reading your articles which I have learned so much from. They really are wonderful. I know you said somewhere that a women is not to withold her body from her husband when he wants sex so what if the wife is not getting enough sex? I try to be understanding and considerate as I work too. The question is what do you do when he does not fully meet them? I Corinthians makes it clear that husbands and wives are to give each other sexual access to their bodies.
I have written many posts on this site alluding to the fact that both husbands and wives have a Biblical right to divorce their spouse for sexual denial. But I made it clear we are not talking about once a week or so but where a spouse consistently denies for months or years. So while it may be frustrating to have sex only once a week with your spouse — imagine how hard it for people who have not had sex in 6 months or a year? I think there is a big difference between the two. Also general sexual access and sex on demand are two different things. Should he do it as often as possible?
Ultimately you cannot discipline your husband for not meeting your sexual requests on demand — in fact women cannot discipline their husbands at all as they are not their authority. He may only want it once a week while you want it multiple times a week. If I were counseling your husband — would I tell him he should try to be more accommodating to you in this?
Yes I would. But for both men and women who only get sex once a week as you do which is sadly very common — I just say this. The way we handle this is very different depending on our gender which determines our position in marriage. For a man he can in fact take measures to show his wife his displeasure at not meeting his sexual desires on demand.
If she only gives him sex once a week he can pull back on dates, buying flowers, jewelry and a host of other things his wife likes from him. He can hold back on some of his free time he might spend doing things with her that she likes to do. A woman cannot hold things back because her husband is not having sex with her just once a week now if it was once every 6 months or once a year that would be case for sexual denial and divorce. She cannot be less than fully respectful and submissive to his requests in other areas. She does not get to take actions toward him in the form of discipline to show her displeasure to him.
What you do is pray for him and serve him despite him acting in uncaring ways. I know that is more easily said than done. I Peter 3 tells wives this same advice even when their husbands are being disobedient to God Word including how to treat their wives :. Every time I read one of your articles the Holy Spirit in me fills me with sadness and fear for you. You will answer to your Lord for your teachings and I ask Him now that he shows you mercy.
Sadly, you are using the Holy Word of God to rationalize your ego and gender superiority. As a teacher you know that you are held to a higher standard in Scripture. Your teaching is contrary to the whole of Scripture and not in line with how God shows love and Mercy. You suggest a husband publicly disrespect his wife in order to discipline her for public disrespect. I do not see any exceptions to this command.
You might want to rethink your spanking idea as well. You seem to convey that Scripture only applies to a wife and not to a husband. Our Lord Jesus did not discipline his children in this way. Instead he showed mercy, kindness, and love toward even those who did not deserve it. He did not publicly rebuke his accusers, he did not withhold some of the loaves and fishes for some of the crowd, he did not let Peter sink in the water to teach him a lesson, and thank God he did not refuse us his time.
God have mercy on you. But, I also pray that he stop you in your tracks. That he shuts down your ability to teach men or women about gender roles from this day forward and that he will stop your propagation of male domination and abuse from reaching the ears of vulnerable hearers. May the Lord of love and mercy open your eyes and ears to receive His love so that you might be able to offer it to your wife.
I pray for her every time I read your work. You are not the God of your home. You are not the God of your wife. You are not God. I fear you are blind to the presuppositions that have made you believe you are on such a sturdy foundation for your doctrines. The author may not get everything right, but he has backed up much of the Patriarchal framework that informs this article on applying these principles elsewhere. I think you see it that way because you are reading your preferred application into the Word. You seem too steeped in your own conclusions to take this challenge and seek truth, but any spectator should know that there are happy, God loving families like mine that apply these teachings and are better for it.
Extremely great reading. Of course it is from God so it should be right and good. If most men do this there will be a massive divorce rate. I have put up with my wife for 17 years but no longer.
The squeamishness on the part of some regarding the patriarchy of the husband and the centrally necessary disciplining of the wife is hilarious…. Men are patriarchs by the will of God Almighty. There is absolutely no point at all to having an undisciplined wife—and numerous vital reasons to make sure that no such woman with a spirit of lawlessness is tolerated as a wife…. It is about glory, honor and power, obedience—which is to say, love—to a sovereign and holy God whose unchanging will is invariable law….
Order of Marriage and Christian Domestic Discipline
I read a lot of comments and I am shocked by the level of immaturity displayed in some of the rants posted as comments. It is rather unfortunate that family values in our society have broken down but the culture teaches you to just live for self and that is the root cause of rebellion and conflict in many of the homes which eventually lead to break up. There are a lot of spoilt, immature adult babies who have no business with marriage.
But kudos to the author for your courage to speak to the elephant in the room and for your sound biblical understanding reflective of your objective responses to many who your article may be speaking to and just cannot take it…. O Lord, help our society. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account.
Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Podcasts Donations. Search for:. Arguments against the discipline of wives by their husbands Before we can get into how to discipline your wife as a Christian husband we need to address the arguments against any form of discipline by husbands toward their wives. Argument 2 Discipline infantilizes a wife Some would argue that if a man disciplines his wife in any way that this is treating her an adult as a child.
Argument 4 Christ does not discipline his bride Some Christians, both complementarians and egalitarians, have attempted to argue that since we have no examples of Christ disciplining his bride which is the Church that husbands ought not to discipline their wives. So be earnest and repent. My position on wife spanking While I do not support all the methods prescribed by Christian Domestic Discipline CDD movement a group that advocates for wife spanking and other physical discipline toward wives I do not think wife spanking by itself is sinful.
But what all these spheres of authority have in common is this: In every sphere of authority God has established that the authority has not only the right, but the duty to discipline those under their authority. Discipline makes us a better person The Bible has a lot to say about discipline. These are just a few of those passages. Discipline is about holiness Christ did not sacrifice himself for his bride the Church in order for her to follow her own selfish ways, but rather he sacrificed himself to make her holy.
Discipline is about maintaining Order I think the comparison of the family structure to military ranks is both Biblical as hupotasso the Biblical term for submission in marriage is a military term and it helps us to understand the discipline in the home as well.
Domestic Violence and Spiritual Abuse: Part 3 | Joyful Heart Foundation
Here are 7 ways you can discipline your wife if a gentle rebuke does not work: 1 For Disrespect If your wife is speaking in disrespectful and demeaning ways in public in front of others whether this is toward you or others this might require a public rebuke of her tone and actions. Conclusion God not only give husbands the power to discipline their wives, but he also gives them to the duty to do this. What is all the need for this discipline stuff? With many Christian wives the gentle approach is all that is needed.
Share this: Twitter Facebook. Like this: Like Loading Leona, Thank you for you kind and respectful comments and concerns. Lying is not a fruit of the Spirit.
Get some new glasses and read what I wrote again. I am sorry for calling you a liar. Meanwhile, he undergirds the action with serious themes like the complacency of modern marriage and the feminization of men. This Pottery Barnism has now reached the level of an Off Broadway trend. Zach and Michelle appear to be the high-functioning pair, she a hotshot lawyer, he on the verge of establishing a sporting-goods empire. At first mortified, they eventually come to wonder whether the magic might work for them as well. It does, briefly: After a few OTK sessions, Cynthia has become a Stepford wife in a floral apron, and their house, previously disheveled, a shipshape Christian home with a lace antimacassar on the sofa.
Cynthia suspects that her difficulties might be solved by eliminating annatto seed from her diet. This is partly the result of having tried to wrestle a stunt idea into a play in the first place, though Askins nearly managed the feat in Hand to God , a current Tony Award nominee in which a sock puppet comes to life. Same with the performances. Some of the actors offer thoughtful sitcom stylings Justin Bartha, who plays Eric, was a star of The New Normal while others especially Elizabeth Reaser as a dementedly prurient Cynthia offer wild-eyed theatricality. Either is fine, but both together leave you feeling not some new, insightful amalgamation but the bad faith of wanting things both ways.
Perhaps further work on the play will prove that a better union can be achieved, but until then it may be advisable for the playwright — for his own good, of course — to invest in a pair of Shaper Panties.