Yet the truth is we can grow. We have no choice about loss. We have no choice about the grief that ensues. However we do have one choice within our grief. Grief will change us. Things will never be the same. We will never be the same. The choice we have is not whether we will change—but how we change. We can choose to grow up or grow down.
If we are to reconstruct our world—to survive—we need to re-examine both how we look at the world and how we function within that new world. From that reassessment comes growth. This growth can be experienced in a number of ways. We can emerge with a greater appreciation of life. Realizing how fleeting life can be, we can have a increased appreciation for the relationships we have. Our priorities may change.
Grieving and Growing - RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
We realize that no one dying ever regretted the fact that they should have spent more time at work or on the Internet. Our spirituality may deepen as we struggle with our faith. We may emerge with a spirituality more complex than we once had. We may recognize that we stronger than we thought—after all, we survived this loss. We may find we have new skills—talents that had to be honed as we struggle to survive in a new reality.
Examples of the five stages of grieving as experienced in connection with infertility stages are:
We begin by acknowledging that we need to change—to grow—as we cope with this loss. It sometimes helps to reflect on these changes—to recognize and even appreciate the growths we have experienced. I begin each new grief group by asking individuals how they have changed since we last met. We may need to empower ourselves. Our very language can help here. We can reflect that we have choices even as we cope with loss. We can look at our issues as challenges we have to surmount rather than problems that perplex us.
We can build on our strengths.
- Summary: Imperial Hubris: Review and Analysis of Michael Scheuers Book.
- Essential German Grammar: Teach Yourself?
- Browse By Tag?
Reflect on our previous losses and prior life crises. What helped us get through those crises? Whatever helped us before, we now use. Sometimes though, we have to reframe those strengths. As we spoke she recognized the value of support as a way that she coped with loss. Since she could not find it from her husband, she could receive it within a support group. Kenneth J. As when one adds salt to a tumbler of water, there comes a point where simply no more will be absorbed.
They were part of the program.
Subscribe To Our Mailing List
We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination. Lewis, A Grief Observed. When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss.
He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Auden , Another Time. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.
The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
Stop Mourning, and Start Growing
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me. It is buried inside of you and becomes this big, deep hole of ache.
It doesn't magically go away, even when you stop officially mourning. I do not see as well without her. I do not hear as well without her. I do not feel as well without her.
Grieving and Growing
I would be better off without a hand or a leg than without my sister. Then at least she would be here to mock my appearance and claim to be the pretty one for a change. We have all lost our Tara, but I have lost a part of myself as well. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time.
You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. When you still had your mother you often thought of the days when you would have her no longer. Now you will often think of days past when you had her.